We need to rekindle our bromance
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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