What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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