At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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