if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize