By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
