well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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