therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
