I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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