i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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