ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
