I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
