Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
