Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
