he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
