Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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