Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
This is not my ceiling
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
