If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
