For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
