Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
