you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
