operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
