i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
