We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
