I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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