Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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