She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
