So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
