u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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