why didn't you poke me back
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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