i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
