My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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