you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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