You work out of a Hotel?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
