I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
