so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
