I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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