That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
