i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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