Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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