I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
