Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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