I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize