She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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