I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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