The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
