i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
