i just wanna soil my oats bro
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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