You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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