how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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