Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
