I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
