I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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