u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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