I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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