i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
