also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
50% drunk capacity currently
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I believe in your delicious
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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