the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
