it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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