eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize