Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
