you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
