I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
