How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
