The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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