Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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