And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
why do cheetos always look like penises
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
