who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
