So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
