Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize