When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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