Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
