I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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