im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
