So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize