if only i could text you this smell
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
