Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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