i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
