your thong is hanging out like whoa
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
