do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
