You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just invented taco cereal.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
