ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
