He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize