Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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