all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
