You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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