Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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