She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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