Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
