it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
