Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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