He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
