They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
