i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
