i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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