Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I love you. Go after that dick
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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