Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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