And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Randomize
