Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
