remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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