i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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