I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
