it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
