i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
