There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
