A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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