Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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